Doctoral student, hmm

So this begins what I think will be a long process of struggle, pain, and transformation.  How many posts will I make speaking to how I am not sure I belong, and I am not sure I can do this?  It is curious how pain and struggle are part of life, part of changing, part of growing.

I think of women who have taught me through their struggles in becoming a mother and the experience of being a woman.  I remember women who cried and pushed out babies that had died and thought, why? Why so much struggle and pain? And over and over reminded about the grace, growth and strength that is made available during those times as well.

So I will trust this process, do I have any other choice?  Today I feel totally overwhelmed.  I think, “perhaps I don’t really belong here”. “Someone made a mistake in the admissions office”, someone in my cohort said. I think, “well, as least that means I am not alone in thinking, was this a mistake?”.  I listen to a group of very professional, organized women share their stories of their summer practicum and I think, will I ever look like that?  Surely not.  I could never do all the work they did, know how to respond to those requests, create reports so targeted, so organized, they are real public health professionals.  I have no idea what I am doing.

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