What if I when was raised, God was a woman?

What if I was raised with men washing my clothes, cooking my meals, dusting my home?

What if the boys were asked to set the table, while I played outside?

What if I was raised to think about myself first, then those around me.

What if I was insulted, or groped, or pressured to have sex, and I pushed back,

I demanded my rights, I pushed you away and shoved you

And people actually cared

they were shocked at how someone treated me

What if I was able to hear my inner voice?

            Shhh, quiet, what am I saying? I’m trying to listen

I can demand what I want .  (what do I want?)

I can tell you how to please me, and correct you when it’s not right.  (can you do that? No, you have to do that, down there. now)

I can go where I want to go,  (where do I want to go? not you, me)

I don’t approach men and consider if they want me  (do they want me, do you, do I?)

I don’t look to them for approval. (I don’t ache for it. I wasn’t raised that way)

I don’t want to please people, — I want to know who I am for myself

I don’t need the world’s approval— I want my own approval!

I don’t need you to like me, —  I need to like me!

I don’t need to be told I am a good girl

I don’t need to be told I am anything, I am.

 

I can say no

I can say no because I know what I want

because I know what I don’t want

because I mean it and I can say it

I am disobedient

I am angry

I am alone and happy

I am horny

I am smart

I am busy

I am finding myself

Exploring myself

Exploring the world

And I have the right

I have the right to decide, my body my clothes, my shoes, my colors, my food, my home, my dreams, my hair, my lover, my being, my life

My self

Souls wander, expand, grow and stretch

They shrink, go inward and hide in fear

Mind, soul, heart? This self reflection, self obsessions cannot be good for oneself in the end. Too much attention on how I feel, boredom, restlessness, internally focused instead of just doing the work I have set out to do.

So much lies waiting for me, as I sit and think. So much to say and do, yet I process, doze and avoid.

Being alone can be so good, if we just avoid ourselves a bit.

Sunrises through frosted glass

softening the sun’s glare,

glancing directly upon

love

without burning eyes or hearts.

my lovers-

hair tussled, smiling back-

their open nakedness shared,

skin pressing, fingertips brushing.

She held me by firelight,

softly stroking my hair,

he poured words out,

the world tucked away till tomorrow.

and sunrises through frosted glass

allowing glimpses of love and possibilities.

there you are

as I have seen you so many times

scruffy, tender, thoughtful, focused,

glancing in my direction when I catch your eye

it still thrills me,

to see your face respond

when our eyes meet

I love being in love.

I love being in love with you

and you with me.